I hope to be NOTHING like my parents. I hope to have in no way any type of relationship like they do. I refuse to control, manipulate, or fight the way they do with my boyfriend or spouse. I want nothing they have. I dont want to see myself be like my mother. Screaming and yelling trying to make a point. I won’t have my husband resent me the way my dad resents my mom. Its not what I want and I work so hard in my relationship now to make sure it is NOTHING like the one my parents have today.
I just want to be reckless, I want to be numb. I want to sleep. I just want to escape from how shitty I feel from everything. I dont want anyone or anything. Just to be left alone. Because I don’t feel like im worth much so how could you want something that isn’t worth anything? I want to disappear, and I say this with a selfish heart that if anyone cared, Im sorry but I’ve stopped caring.